This is a personal note and a thought for Mother’s Day. Take it with a light heart.
I have recently experienced the lost of an unborn child. I had a very advanced (4+ months) undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy that almost took my life at the end of it all. I won’t go into details because it’s in the past and I am successfully healing. But I want to talk about what I have moved on to and how it has changed my views on being a mother.
Death can be so sudden, so abrupt and violent and it takes all hope with it and tears hearts into pieces. But when you get a second chance to be alive everything changes.
I grieve daily and it hits me like a stone to the face sometimes, but I remember thinking of all the bucket lists, dreams and desires I had when I was rushed to the ER. I want to do something about that. I may not travel everywhere or learn all the ukulele songs I want in an instant but I can start changing the outlook for today. This was my second chance to live, to really live. I invite you to consider these tips in your life.
Create experiences. Take a moment to create an experience for yourself or someone and cherish the moment. What I mean by that is to, for example: create a piece of art together with your family (thank you BHB group), surprise your family or friends to an indoor picnic in your living room. Or do something just as simple as writing surprise post-it sized notes to your loved ones. It’s silly, but it’s fun and worth it, trust me.
Be compassionate with other moms or women in general. They don’t show how bad they’re feeling so that people take it easy on them. Some have miscarried, some abused or going through a tough emotional imbalance that they don’t even understand. Make the space around you a safe place for them to go through without judgements.
Share your creativity. Ideas don’t come from hoarding them or keeping them locked. I hope this blog can be a testimony to that. Share your creativity with other moms and you will inspire them too. If you have ideas, make something of them. You will find that your creativity gets replenished and you’ll find more self-satisfaction. Share your artistic and musical talents with them for a great experience. I have a ukulele and, friends, I will sing for you if you invite me to a playdate.
Share your wealth. Weather it’s information, space for a playdate (Thank you Steph), resources or surplus of clothing, do share with those moms in deep need. Lotus House is a great foundation here in Miami that helps moms of little to no income and support. If you believe in Karma: what comes around goes around, in abundance – when you help others – if you ask me.
Do more. Seriously? We are moms already! – But I mean it. I think that the single mom who is a full time student and has a full time job AND spends time with her kid knows what I am talking about. Women are capable of doing more and push limits. You CAN find time to start that business that you wanted to. You CAN squeeze that workout time during nap time (inspired by a my friend, K). You CAN negotiate your schedule at work to spend time with your family. You CAN take those online courses. Don’t live wishing you had done these things before and don’t leave it for the next life. Do more of what you are capable of.
Find a place for peace. Settle down and find a few minutes for yourself to breathe and smile. Find a place that makes you feel cozy and feel the serenity take over you. Usually nature can balance you almost instantly. I find my desk a place for peace or sometimes my kid’s cardboard dome is great place to stop and breathe. (Tip: Sensory spaces help kids find this are important for kids to center too.)
I hope these tips can serve of any value to you and your surroundings. I want to thank my friends in particular Lu, Shelly, K, Pru, Cata and Shy, for their words of consolation, sending chocolate overseas, holding my hand and being outright amazing women. I will forever be in your debt because of your support.
Love and light to all of you and your moms on Mother’s Day!